Shadow Spirits

"Our Father is the Sky!
Our Mother is the Earth!
Our Life is our song!
May our Songs Create joy!
May our Children always Smile."
Two Feathers

Mother Father God, I thank you for this morning......the dew, the golden light and gentle breeze that greets me this day. The lilting notes of the songbird. It is a blessed and glorious day.

Why do we choose to make things feel bad.....feel hard.... with our thoughts and words? These negative thoughts and words take a blessed endeavor and turn it into a hard and unfulfilling task. I am reminded of "yard work". I love to spend time in the out-of-doors tending the plants, gathering the crops, pulling the weeds, tilling the soil, smelling the sweetness of what grows there but as soon as I turn it into "work" it becomes a chore instead of a meditation......my special time of being with Mother Earth. Why do I do that? Do I need to slave and suffer for a reason? Why cannot I take pleasure from this task? I see that I do this with many of the daily tasks of life. Why? Where does this self-talk come from that makes it hard? Why does life have to be hard? Who made up that rule? And, must I believe it?

I think of food and eating. Why do we use "good" or "bad" to describe the act and experience of eating food. If we eat too much, it is neither good nor bad. We ate too much and now we feel discomfort. That is all. Perhaps we will choose not to do that again and perhaps we will. If we choose those foods that give us pleasure why is it bad? Food gives us pleasure and I am thankful for that gift.......the cold melting sweetness of ice cream as it touches my tongue, the smell and taste of roasted meat cooked over the fire, the fragrance of the ripe peach picked fresh from the tree. These are all gifts. I am grateful for the gift of the food which I will eat this day to nurture my body and spirit .....and I am thankful to all of those who labored to make these gifts available to me.

I live in my body temple. My spirit resides here and experiences the earth because of this temple. When the body is no more, the spirit will leave. I will choose to eat and drink of that which nourishes me and makes me strong today.

I use these words of judgement and condemnation with regard to many of my thoughts and actions. Why? Why must I judge myself so harshly? Why must I make myself feel bad? Who are these shadow spirits who whisper in my ear? My judge and jury, whom I allow to condemn me for my thoughts and actions. These spirits would hold me in this place.

I was taught as a young child to listen for the shadow spirits by the shadow people who were in my life. The voices whisper in my ear from their perch on my shoulder....seeking to climb into my mind, heart and spirit and pull me back into the darkness with the other shadow spirits. They do not like change......They do not like being in the light. If I shine my light upon them, they will return to the darkness.

A few days ago I picked up pen and paper and wrote about these shadow spirits...... each time they spoke to me I wrote down the date, time and the words in my notebook. I continued to write throughout the day .....each time the critic, judge and jury spoke to me of my thoughts and deeds, I wrote it down. This shadow did not like that the world could see what I was listening to. Is it male or female? Mine seems to be more male. It is the compilation of all the voices that spoke to me when I was small.......the voices of those who could not escape from their own shadow spirits. It is my showdow self that has learned to live in that darkened world. They would judge me and tell me I was not good enough.......they would have me believe that I could not escape the darkness. I gave them power for all these years by listening but I have taken away the power by writing it down. By shining my light on their words, I have driven them back into the dark shadows. It is strange, for I now feel something like love emanating from the darkness ....and some fear. Is it the love of my mother who could not escape from her darkness? Is it her fear of what will happen to me if I live in the light? That brings me to this page and this place.

There are other spirits and guides waiting for me to now....they are loving, caring energy spirits waiting to speak.....They have been waiting for me to stop listening to the voices in the shadows. They are from the Greater One. They say "You are good, you are a child of the One. Be all that you can be. You are capable of so much more than you could ever imagine. Thank your shadow spirits for what they have taught you, for it is only by traveling through the darkness that you can come to the light. You no longer have need of their words or their judgement AND you no longer have need of the darkness."

I choose to let go and move into the light of Love. I am good....you are good.....I am loved......you are loved......I have let go of the past that would hold me. Let go of your past as well. Be in this moment......let love and all that is good enfold you. We came here with a song to share......begin to sing your song today.

"May my life be my song and may my song create joy".

Gold Adventure 2010

Thursday, April 22, 2010

For everyone that keeps asking, YES, plans are underway for another summer of gold prospecting. We'll head down California way. We are planning to be down that way almost 3 months. We are already assembling equipment and working on the lists of supplies. Since I am going to be working here in Sutherlin, Oregon for the next 2 months, I want to get a start with getting ready for this trip. We are planning some lengthy wilderness campouts. It will be great to get to the backcountry and away from civilization once again. There is lots of great new prospecting equipment and tools these days so I am in the process of doing research for this next gold prospecting expedition.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived" --Henry David Thoreau


I know there are those who think we are foolish to be going off, on yet another gold adventure, at our age. Remember, "you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever." I leave all of you with a few wise words from Steve Jobs ~ see article below.

Do What You Love: Time Is Too Short To Do Anything Else

Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and Pixar Animation Studios, delivered a truly inspirational commencement address to some 5,000 Stanford University graduates. Without further adieu, his message:

"I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The First Story is About Connecting the Dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife.

Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: 'We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?' They said: 'Of course.' My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition.
After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed.

Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.

If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My Second Story is About Love and Loss.

I was lucky--I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation--the Macintosh--a year earlier, and I had just turned 30.

And then I got fired.

How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down--that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me.

I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me--I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

Fired From Apple

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it.

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers.

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My Third Story is About Death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: 'If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.'

It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Diagnosed With Cancer

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer.
I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months.

My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery.

I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it.

And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma--which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch.

This was in the late 1960s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue.

It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: 'Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.' It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much."

The Stanford (University) Report June 14, 2005

The Journey

"I am on a journey to awaken, Today my sacred journey starts, Take my hand and you can travel with me, On this sacred journey to the heart."
(Words and music by Richard Burdick)

The Great Gold Adventure 2009

Saturday Morning, August 22, 2009
Tofte Ranch
Chicago Park, CA

We have now been at Tofte Ranch for 18 days. We are near Colfax, CA working on a small ranch. Our big project since arriving has been painting the barn. Actually, getting the barn ready to paint was the big job; power washing, scraping, wire brushing and then caulking. We are happy to report that the barn is almost done. We only have about 30 minutes of trim painting on the barn and we will be finished!!!! Yahoo! We'll do that tomorrow morning, when it is cooler. It has been a long go to get it done, especially in all of this heat but then we knew it would be hot when we agreed to come down and work. It is still morning and already 91 in Colfax right now. Add to the barn, dealing with a pig dying - pig hospice, harvesting crops 3 times a week for the Grower's market, moving sprinklers in the pasture, weeding, weeding and weeding. At least we know that we are in pretty good shape for our trip now. The pasture out front is a beautiful emerald green and when we arrived it was brown. Larry has done a wonderful job with the watering program. He's been running about 12 - 15 sprinkler heads a day plus watering in the garden and he moves all of those lines every day. He has also prepared and planted a huge raised bed of chard for fall harvest. Oh, 3 calves were born since we arrived; Panda, Bear and Black Jack. We are now calling them the 3 musketeers. They are a frisky fun group. We have put in some long hard hours and know for certain we could not have done this without our Ambrotose, Sport, Bounce Back and Firm....... had to throw in some Advil from time to time.

We just got back from Auburn where we picked up the last of our gear for the great Gold Adventure 2009. We purchased 2 garden kneeling pads ( a great tip from Jay and MaryAnn from their kayaking adventures). They'll soften those gravel bars and rocks where we'll be sitting. They were laughing at us at K-mart because we tried all the pads to see how they sit. We picked up a couple of blue graniteware cups for water and tea (yep, we are leaving the coffee behind and wine). We picked up some great treking poles at Big 5. I got a great windup LED flashlight - very light and compact for those late night trips to the potty.

Larry's pack is all loaded up except for a few small incidentals. It weighs in at 70 pounds with the raft and wet suits. My gear is almost packed up. I am carrying the food and clothes, first aid, supplements, etc. Thanks to MaryAnn's suggestion, everything is in zip lock bags and neatly packed and organized. Everything that we want to keep dry will go into the dry bags at the river, once we start floating. We are taking journals but no reading material and there will be no computer, email or cell phone. That's quite a few changes to our daily routine.

Our friend, Arlene, will drop us at the Stevens Trail in Colfax about 8 AM Monday morning and then pick us up the following Saturday at about 4 PM at the Iowa Hill Bridge at Mineral Bar. It is 4 1/2 miles down to the North Fork of the American. The trail ends at Secret Ravine. The good news is that we think we were given the wrong information about the distance we will be traveling down the river. We were told it was 7 miles and we now believe that we will only be floating about 4 miles. That means we won't have to break camp every day. We thought about going down to the next bridge but that would add on another 5 miles to the float trip. We want to spend most of the day sniping on the river. Extending our trip would require we move camp almost every day. We agree this shorter trip is better. We have never traveled this section of the river so every day will be something new. I'm one of those folks who likes to have everything planned out but we have no idea where we will camp, etc. It'll be nice if we only have to break camp and move a couple of times - more time for sniping.

Well, that's about all I know tonight. It feels good to know that we are almost to departure time. I wish I had taken photos of all of our gear and supplies layed out because I can't believe it is all packed away. We are glad we have tomorrow to rest up a bit before we leave. We will take photos on Monday before we head down the trail. Well have a still camera and a video camera and will document our adventure. We are already planning our next backpack/float trip.

Why are we going on this journey?

American River Adventure 2009 ~ Day 1

Monday, August 24, 2009 North Fork of the American River, California - Wild and Scenic Area

Charlotte: Monday Evening - TIRED, TIRED, TIRED. Our friend Mo came over about 6:30 AM to make sure that we had a ride to the Stevens Trail in Colfax. She helped us finish packing; including pain pills (in case we break something) and Imodium D (good thinking, just in case). She made a quick trip home to grab more dehydrated food for us. We left the house by 7:15 with our friend, Arlene. Happy and excited good-bys at the trail head. "See you in 5 days".

It was a long hike in with Larry carrying 70 pounds and me carrying 40 pounds. The gear for prospecting is pretty heavy, including wet suits and tools. Larry has all of that gear in his pack. I have the food and toiletries.

I had read a description of the Steven's Trail that said, "It was not for the faint of heart." Boy, that was more true than I could imagine. The first 1 1/2 miles were pretty easy going. We found our first resting spot in an open area. There was a speed boat parked in the middle of the woods - how did it get here?!?! It proved a great spot to take off our packs and rest awhile. Once we reached the North Fork canyon the trail became fairly narrow and dropped straight down to the river below. I am guessing about 1000 feet. Since I have a terrible fear of heights, the sight of the the trail along the canyon wall was scary, to say the least. Larry turned and said, "OK, this is the deal. You keep your eyes on the trail at all times and only on the trail. If there is a wide place to stop and rest I'll tell you but otherwise just keep your eyes down and concentrate on the next step."

I never once looked away from the trail unless we stopped at a wide spot. Our next resting spot was back in the trees at a small spring trickling out of the hillside. It was nice to find some shade and there was a small ledge where we could remove our packs. When we headed out again it was a long, hard, hot trek to the river. As the morning wore on the temperatures climbed into the 90's. We thought we were in good shape but the heavy loads proved to be more than we realized. We were bone weary tired and hurting by the time we reached the river around 11:30. We were tuckered out. Our legs were shakey and weak and my back was screaming at me for the last 2 miles of travel. We rested for awhile on the bedrock in the shade of a small bush. It felt good to sit down without a pack on. Larry wound up with a blister on his big toe and I have one on the edge of my foot.

There was a miner at the foot of the trail. He lives down here! He finds some gold - not really sure how much. Apparently, he walks out about once a week or so unless people on the trail give him food. Amazing! He says he has been living down here a couple of years. Oh, my! We gave him some fruit and trail mix.

After resting and talking to Chuck we repacked all of our gear into the dry packs for our trip down river. Larry unpacked the raft and blew it up with the pump. We suited up in our wetsuits, packed the raft with our gear and tied it down and headed down river about 1 PM. We had a shallow set of rapids to navigate firt - HARD - lots of slipping down and banging of ankles and knees. After that there was a deep pool. It looked inviting but proved to be very strenuous going. The wind was blowing us upriver so swimming our raft through was almost impossible - really hard work. Larry was on the front and I was on the back. The pool was deep and only once in awhile, on the edge, could we get a foothold. We tried to hang on to the rocks and rest when we could. Our trekking poles proved to be the handiest last minute purchase we made. When we extend them to their full length they are about 6 feet long. They helped up keep our footing in the river and sometimes we could find bottom with the poles and push our way through the pools. Larry's pole broke as we made our last crossing of the river to what looked like a possible campsight. He really needs a stick.

We decided to pull out of the river about 3:00 because we were bone weary tired and Larry's treking pole broke into in the last pool. Our bodies were worn out and hurting. It was hot! We could see that there was another deep pool up ahead and now Larry has no pole. I spotted a sandy area down river just alittle ways so I hiked down to scout it out. There is a large pine tree so we'll have some shade. After a rest we portage our gear down to that spot. We get out our bedrolls so we can lay down and strip down to T-shirts and shorts. It feels good to just lay flat and be still. The air is hot but there is a slight breeze. It is interesting how aware of my body I am, the aches and pains, throbbing, perspiration, how the breeze cools me because of the sweat and how hot it feels when the breeze doesn't blow.

After resting for awhile Larry gets up to go look at something at the river's edge. When I ask what he is looking at, he announces "3 of the biggest piles of bear poop I have ever seen"!. I get up and pull our bedrolls up higher on the bank.

Later in the day Larry strips off and announces that he is going to hike back upriver and dive down in the last pool we crossed to retrieve the other end of his trekking pole. He thinks maybe it just came unscrewed. I get up and go with him. I have to see this! The water is very cold. Remember, we have had wetsuits on all day? His pole is black and silver. I do not see how he will ever find it. He jumps in the cold water and down he goes. He has to dive several times but finally he comes up with pole in hand. Unfortunately, it is broken. We decide to keep it and take it back to Big 5.

Larry: Monday Evening ~ Arlene dropped us off at the top of the Steven's Trail on the Colfax side just before 8 AM. Little did we know what lay ahead for us. The trek down to the river really stretched our physical endurance to the max. Our trip into the Grand Canyon comes to mind. Our legs shook from the exertion. My new hip/thigh held up pretty well though but both buttocks ached. I got a blister on my big toe. It took us about 3 1/2 hours to hike the 4 1/2 miles down to Secret Ravine. We collapsed on the bank of the river in total exhaustion. I don't think we could have gone another 100 feet! We just concentrated on our feet and our next step. It was far more frightening for C but bless her heart, she sucked it up and followed me along the narrow ledges that dropped off into space.

After resting awhile we slowly assembed our gear and inflated the raft. We loaded it up, tied everything down and headed immediately for our first rapids. Slowly, we inched our way through the rushing water until we reached the deep pool below. The deep pools are our hardest, as we can't touch the bottom so we just have to hang on to the raft and kick our feet. Very aerobic! We finally spied a decent looking camp spot and quit the river about 2:30. We were totally exhausted and decided to rest the remainder of the day. It was fairly hot so we had to follow the shade. Blessedly, the sun findly went behind the far ridge and it began to cool down. The water is very clear, the hillsides are dry and brown and the canyon walls soar to the sky.

It feels alien to be out here on the river bank, miles from civilization. It's been many years since we've slept beneath the stars beside the river. Our only concern is the 3 piles of bear poop in our camp - one pile being fairly fresh!

Photo Album Day #1  https://www.facebook.com/larryn.bacon/media_set?set=a.1162800984363&type=3

American River Adventure 2009 ~ Day 2

Tuesday, August 25, 2009
North Fork American River ~ Sunny


Charlotte: Tuesday Morning ~ This trip has been more difficult than I expected!!! Far more difficult! We are sitting here on our little garden kneeling pads facing the river. We have had our first cup of tea. It was a LONG night. I kept listening for the bear or bears. Each time we were both awake, I banged on our cooking pot a few times with the lid. Larry had the pot the first part of the night but I took over pot duty about 11 because he wasn't banging it often enough. By 1 AM the ground had grown hard and my body was aching. Actually, I should say really aching since it was pretty much aching since about half way down the trail. I had taken Sport before bed but I finally gave in and took some Advil.

On the positive side..... the stars were unbelievable. I saw at least 6 shooting stars. We were awake several times together during the night (Larry confessed in the night that he was also having some apprehensive thoughts about the bear). We even had one long conversation during the night ~ partly to discuss our sanity with regard to this trip. We agreed that we are glad we are doing it. We are just not sure why yet.

I am very thankful for the 4 pound porta potty that I hauled down here, even though I took some kidding about it. This old body doesn't squat quite as easily as it once did.

We layed down on our pads on the gravel bar about 7:30. We won't do that tonight. The old body only wants to lay on that hard ground for so long. Today we will start looking for gold. We have some great sniping tools that our friend Steve made.

Our dry packs are a bit of a challenge. Everything we need seems to always be in the bottom. We had a supper of Annie's Mac & Cheese with tuna. It was pretty darn good. We had to keep moving, to stay away from the meat bees, while we ate. We only had cheese and crackers for lunch, a small piece of pork and a protein bar for breakfast. We are sore, sore, sore this morning.

Later in the morning: I am sitting on the bank in my wetsuit waiting for Larry to find an interesting area to prospect. It is quiet and peaceful here ...... sitting with my feet in the water. Wow, that is a really deep hole in front of me! First thing this morning we went in search of another pole for Larry. He finds what is left of a dead alder at the waterline. He sawed it down with the saw in our swiss army knife and whittled it and now has a dandy 8 foot staff.

Mid-day: I hiked down the river in my wetsuit to where Larry was sniping to find out how he was doing. It was getting hot so I hiked our dry bags up in the trees, to keep them in the shade, before I left. We have some chocolate bars, cheese, etc. that we would like to keep out of the hot summer sun. We decide that it's time to think about moving down river. Larry isn't finding many colors and we now feel we must keep on the move to make the bridge by Saturday. We are marking our progress on the topo map but we won't know if we are correct until we arrive at the bridge. I came back to camp to gather everything together to load the raft. As I approach our campspot I hear the familiar chirp of a ground squirrel, signaling. I see ground squirrels at our dry packs - demon squirrels! When I get to the packs I find that they have torn holes in the food pack. They didn't actually get into the pack but 15 more minutes and they would have.Thank goodness or we might now be down in this canyon minus our food. They managed to pull out part of one of the ziplock bags with trail mix and scatter some on the ground. Thank you God that I came back when I did.

Later in the afternoon: We floated our gear down the river. It was pretty easy going. First there was a long pool, mostly knee deep with small saucer size rocks. Then we decided to hike everything down a long gravel bar/boulder pile . Then it's back in the river. It was pretty easy going after the overland trek because it was mostly gravel on the bottom. We come to an area that could be a good camp but it's early and there is no decent looking bedrock here for sniping. We keep going. We made it down a series of rapids before we quit.

At our new camp: It's been another hard day. Larry is off looking for gold. He seems driven to find something. I mean isn't that what this trip is all about? I hope he is finding gobs. I am sitting in the shade of the blue tarp that he put up before he left. We are in a new campspot. I am trying to stay out of the blistering sun. We are on the wrong side of the river for shade.

Larry sniped around camp most of this morning and found a few bits. The areas that were accessible had been worked pretty hard and in the other areas the bedrock was simply too deep. The camping part isn't hard. If we had a nice campspot with a little shade ~ fish a little, snipe a little. The really hard part is moving and hauling our gear. I will be so glad when I have some real shade. This new campsight has absolutely no shade. The shade is all across the river but there is no place to camp over there.

Like I have said several times, "Who would hike down the Steven's Trail for fun?"

Evening: Poor gold showing today. Day 2 ~ HARD ~ not much gold

Larry: Tuesday: Early morning ~ Sun hasn't hit our camp yet. Got out of our bed and made a cup of tea. We had a restless night, what with our aches and pains from yesterday and our trepidation over the bears. We hung our food bag and trash bag in a tree and took our cooking pot to bed with us. At odd hours throughout the night, we banged on the pot.

With a crescent moon that set early, we had the starry heavens for entertainment during our waking hours. I was reminded of all our carefree years sleeping out under the stars down at Shirttail and up on Duncan Creek. I tried to get in touch with the spirit of those people and realized that I was actually trying to recreate that adventurous quality in us. We had lost our fearlessness over the years, rather I should speak for myself - I had become old and fearful. I resist that aspect of myself mightely. I want to go out full of vigor and adventure, doing fun, challenging things in the time that I have. In that respect, I have an ideal partner in Charlotte. Not only does she love me enough to go along, she can also lead the way, as she embraces the same adventurous spirit.

I must admit that last evening, I had misgivings about this trip - in our ability to pull it off. The trek was approaching our physical limits and the trip down river was tough. Walking in the river was difficult but the deep pools were the hardest. But, after a night of rest, my spirits are restored and I'm looking forward to a day of sniping. I plan to work my way down one bank so far and then work the other side up past camp a ways before returning to camp.

In our new campspot - Evening ~ Two more portages today. Lots of difficult terrain. Plus, the crevices seem to all be cleaned out. I'm working hard to just get some color. We camped on a very narrow strip of sand. I carried more sand in my gold pan to build it up to accomodate our bed. Charlotte, bless her heart is bearing up under the strain but it's taking a toll. Falling and bruising her ankles and shins while walking the boat through rapids we didn't portage.

American River Adventure ~ Day 3

Wednesday Morning, August 26, 2009
North Fork American River ~ More Sun

Charlotte: Early Wednesday Morning: LONG night last night! Our bodies have really taken a beating. We are sore beyond belief. Even with 4 Advil I didn't sleep much because my whole body is sore and every time I moved the pain woke me up. I can't believe I didn't bring any Bounce Back. I thought this was going to be an easy stroll down the middle of the river. Instead, it is an experience in torture. The river is strewn with boulders most of the way - platter size to banana box size, slippery, laying at different angles. We made our way slowly with the raft trying to keep our footing but we have both fallen repeatedly. We are bruised and sore. Add to that, walking a mile or more each day in water that varies from knee deep to chest deep or even deeper. It doesn't seem far unless you are in the water. The deep pools are the hardest. The river is low and there is very little current, so we hang on to the raft and try to paddle our way through. Often there is a stiff wind that blows us in the opposite direction.

We learned the first day to stay near the bank so that we can find some footing on the bedrock once in awhile, when it's shallow enough to reach with our feet. It is very strenuous going through the deepest pools. Then there are the rapids - boulder fields with swifter moving water, pushing you along and you can't see where you are stepping. We portaged around a long series of rapids yesterday and a long pool on Monday. We made it through 2 areas of rapids and that was enough yesterday. We stopped at a less than ideal camp spot. We were exhausted. The sand was just wide enough for our bed and even that required more sand. Larry hauled several loads of sand in the gold pan. There was absolutely no shade of any kind. We didn't have any shade until after 6 PM. I am guessing that it was up in the 90's. There were no flat rocks to put our gear on. The night before we had some nice flat bedrock. Last night our bedroom was a long narrow area of sand, maybe 3 feet across and then a straight up rock wall that retained the heat of the sun long into the night. We were about 6 feet from the water. We learned not to put our bedrolls down until just before bed. The sand retains heat long into the night. This has been the most difficult and strenuous undertaking of my life. Larry says the same is true for him.

There is great looking bedrock all around. Larry spent 2 hours sniping after we made camp and only came up with a few colors. He says the area has been worked hard. It seems impossible since we are so far from a road or trailhead.

Later in the morning: We've had our tea and protein bars and have decided to move out as soon as there is sun on the water. We want to get our next move over with and hopefully we'll find a better camp with some shade this afternoon. We are hoping for a nice camp spot tonight ~ shade, sandy area for sleeping, flat bedrock for gear and sitting AND some gold would be nice. We figure we are about 1/3 of the way to the bridge at Mineral Bar. I think we would stay put a couple of days if we could find a good spot.

We can see up ahead and there is another rapids and then a big bend in the river. We are going to cross the river and portage around the rapids. We are praying for an easy trek today ~ sandy bottom, even cobbles would be OK. We saw a hiker way up on the trail just after 7 this morning and amazingly, 2 runners right at nightfall last night. We feel certain they were training for the Western States 100 mile run.

Pain and agony. We're not eating much. We took our first bath in the river last evening after the sun went behind the ridge ~ COLD water! We must remember to bathe while it is still sunny. We are in the water most of the day but shampooing and cleaning up with soap felt good ...... after we got out of the river and warmed up in the summer air.

Early afternoon ~ Thank you God! Finally, we have a wonderful camping spot. We are on a long expanse of cobble beach with nice sandy areas for our bed. We are on the south side of the river but there are several shade trees on the rocky ridge above us. There is even flat bedrock for our gear. Now, if there is just some gold. Larry is off sniping.

We set out early this morning. We rafted everything across the river and then changed into boots and portaged around the rapids. We decided to hike our gear as far as we could. We ran out of bedrock and a place to walk at the bottom of a deep pool ~ maybe 15 feet deep. We were thankful to be able to miss the rapids and having to swim through another deep pool with our gear. We could see another series of rapids farther down the river. We decided to take a rest after hauling all of our gear to this spot. The grotto-like pool with it's clear, deep teal colored water was amazingly beautiful. There are big leafed plants along the far side of the pool. We could see several large bass swimming around. We decided to change back into wetsuits and river shoes so that we could float our gear across the river and then portage our gear down below the next series of rapids. It seems like alot of work but it's much easier than making our way down the rapids in the river.

After we crossed the river we could see that there was actually a series of 3 rapids and then a long riffle so we decided to hike the gear down below the riffle, which was quite a distance.

We went high and up over the bedrock. Easy does it ~ slow and steady. How do we make our way down this river? One day at a time, one stretch at a time, one step at a time. That is what we decided last night when we felt so beaten and exhausted ~ we'll just have to take it one stretch at a time and if that is too much, just one step at a time. This river trip is like a metaphor for life; you never know what is around the next bend.

It took 2 trips each to get our gear below the riffles. One trip with packs and each carrying 2 bags of gear and then one trip with the raft and a light load of gear. Out of our boots and back into wetsuits and river shoes, load the raft and we are off again. First there was a long stretch of boulders. We have discovered that in the deeper water, where we have a foothold, we can lightly push off instead of firmly placing each foot and it is much easier. At the end of the boulders was our longest stretch of deep water yet, maybe 20 feet deep, and we couldn't even see around the bend to know where it ended. Larry decided that we should hang to the right because it looked like there were some handholds in the bedrock. It was hard going for Larry - holding on to the front of the raft, his new wooden 8 foot staff and trying to find handholds on the rocks. All I could really do was hold on to the back of the raft and kick to try to help move us along. Finally, about half way through the pool Larry saw a spot where he thought he could climb up and over and pull the raft along while I stayed in the water to steady the rear of the raft. A good set of flippers would have come in handy.

He was able to finally climb out and go up and over past the first outcropping ~ I had to keep kicking out toward the middle of the river so that he could pull me and the gear downriver. The next manuver was more difficult. Larry had to climb up a fracture in the rock face like a cat, up and way over an outcropping of bedrock. The river shoes helped him with traction. I had to really push out with my legs and kick hard several times to get beyond the outcroppings at the waterline but finally he was able to pull the raft and me down the river. Once I was adrift I felt like Cleopatra on her barge. It was a little scary because I couldn't see Larry most of the time. Thank goodness for our very long rope. Larry climbed over yet another large abuttment of bedrock and I continued kicking away from the edge. Finally, Larry climbed back down to the river and got in the water because he could see that it was shallow enough for walking in the river and it was gravel. For quite a distance I wasn't able to touch the bottom so he pulled me and the raft along, like Humphey Bogart in the African Queen. This deep pool and grotto area were even more beautiful than the one we saw earlier this morning. We headed to the left bank and found our large gravel bar and wonderful campspot for tonight and this is where we have been since about 1:30.

It is very warm and I am so sleepy. I think I'll go cool off in the river and then take a nap.

Larry: Day 3 Early Morning ~ Early morning, having our cup of tea sitting with our backs against the rock wall that we slept against. Watching the sun catch the tops of the high ridges - comparing pain. Our night was semi-restless, more for Charlotte than me. I had much less trepidation about bears last night as our camp was perched right on the river with steep cliffs above.

I woke up around midnight and we had a nice conversation while watching for meteorites. My body is aching and stiff but my spirit is beginning to embrace our challenge. I guess I'd say that mentally, it's getting easier. Monday night I was filled with fear and trepidation as in, "what have I gotten us into?" And thinking whether or not we were up to this adventure. My male ego wants me to be up to any challenge, no matter how extreme .....but time has taken a toll on my body. 28 years ago, we could have waltzed down the Steven's Trail and laughed at our soreness and bruises. But today, at 58 & 68, they take on new meaning. I am going to concentrate more on the trip and less on how much gold I find. Since the gold has been disappointing so far, I'll look for the treasure of time spent well with my love.

Evening - We moved down river once again - portaging several rapids and a deep pool. I finally had to climb up and over a wall of bedrock and tow the raft through a very deep pool. The problem with those deep holes is the up river wind is much stronger than the current and our feeble kicks ....so, without any purchase on the bank or the bottom, you go upstream! We had literally prayed for an easier day with a nice camp spot and what do you know?! Around the corner appeared an ideal sandy, gravel bar with ample shade (until the late afternoon). We rejoiced over our fairly easy move and our sweet camp.

I rested for an hour or so and then went sniping. Same story - little to no gold. But, we had a marvelous day and now a super camp, time to rest and recuperate. Our water filter is a gem. With it, I can fill a 2 gallon jar in about 10 minutes and our little one liter bottle in 3. Each afternoon I fill the liter bottle with cool river water and we add lemonade powder for an afternoon treat. Do we know how to live or what!?!?

I'm sitting here looking up at the Steven's Trail. It seems like weeks ago that we were struggling our way along it, looking down on this part of the river. I'm bushed. I think that we hadn't rested enough from our barn labors to really be up for this trip. I have a residual fatigue that catches up with me by mid-afternoon.

*** I want to note here that this adventure was a result of a book that Larry purchased.
By the end of the first day I was ready to hurt the author of the book.
By the end of day 2 I wanted to hurt him and make him eat the book.
By day 3, I knew exactly what I wanted to do to him. I wanted to send him down the Steven's Trail with 70 pounds on his back and have him hike, walk, climb, swim, claw and crawl his way to the Iowa Hill Bridge. The floating part in the book sounded so easy..... "floating your gear down the river". Oh, there was soooo much more to it than that.

American River Adventure ~ Day 4

Thursday, August 27, 2009
North Fork of the American River ~ Lots of sun - already HOT!


Charlotte: Early Morning ~ AM with tea ~ Another long night of pain. My body is crying out for a break but we have 2 more - no, 3 more days on the river. My right hand is so sore that I can hardly use it. I think it is from gripping my stick. I take Advil and 2 Sprot before bed and another 2 Advil 4 hours later. It's hard to sleep when you are in pain. I don't want to take the PM medicine to help me sleep for fear I will sleep through the bear coming into camp. I have to keep one ear open and one eye.

My hot flashes are returning because of no flax seed oil and down here on the warm gravel bar, with no fan, all I can do is notice how my body feels. I am really trying to be present with my body and just be an observer. It is easier than living in my body right now. Does that sound strange?

I tried to focus on enjoying the stars until I got drowsy and sometimes I could drift off for a little while. At least we didn't worry about bears here last night. We had the dehydrated beef stew, Mo gave us, for dinner last night - pretty darn good. It was hot in the evening so we sat with our feet in the river for awhile and that seemed to help. After dinner we sat on our pads - MaryAnn, have you heard us saying "thank you" - all week - for telling us to take these garden kneeling pads to sit on? Larry found very little gold yesterday. We have made a huge shift from focusing on the gold. This section of the river has really been worked and as we get closer to the bridge it will be more so.

The first day we saw 2 people on the upper end of the trail on our way down and then Chuck the miner. The second day we saw another miner working on the river and 2 runners (unbelievable - probably training for the Western States 100 miler) and a hiker on the trail. Day 3 we saw a total of 6 people on the river, 3 areas where people camp and mining gear (although they must be out for supplies or something because their things are stashed).

I have noticed that our environment greatly affects what we think about. I am not thinking about Mannatech or painting Arlene's house or even the housesit up in Sutherlin. I spend time in observation of our surroundings, certainly some thoughts about my aches and pains - my body and how to help it out - GET MORE FIT!

Tuesday night we decided to focus on easy and fun and yesterday was easier and more fun. With nothing to read there is plenty of time for listening and observation, conversations, meditation. A good book would be nice but we are both glad that we didn't bring one. "I went to the woods to confront the essential things of life .... so, if this is our mini versin of Walden's Pond what are we learning AND it's NOT about gold. In fact the gold would have distracted us from the lessons - what are the lessons for us in this odyssey? What is really important? Who are we.... really ..... our spirit ..... our essence at the deepest center of our being, without ego and our 58 and 68 years of influence and programming? What do we want to do with the rest of our lives?

I think the hardest part, for me, about this trip is never knowing what is around the next bend - easy or hard? Deep or shallow? Will there be a place to sleep, some shade? Where will we wind up tonight? I can't make a plan because I don't know what's ahead.

About 8 AM - We have decided to strip down to undies, cross over the river, change into dry clothes and hiking boots and go down river before we move. We saw miner #2 hike out yesterday and back in this morning. We aren't sure whether he came from the bridge or down Burnt Flat Trail. We can see the remnants of a forest fire on the tops of the ridges across the river. Smoke filled the canyon last night and drifted over our heads from the ridge behind us. We discussed a plan in case of fire - There was no wind so we weren't really worried.

A little apple for breakfast (fresh apples were NOT a good idea. They are heavy and they are now very bruised from all of the banging around - dried fruit only for future trips. Also, chocolate bars and cheese - BAD idea. They are melted most of the time. By morning they are solid so we have shared a chocolate bar for breakfast 2 mornings.

Day 4 - Later in the day ~ after our move
We have made our way down to the camp spots at the base of Pennyweight Trail. We are exhausted! It is our hottest day yet. After we arrived here, we were burning up, sitting in our camp so with all of the energy we can muster, we put on our river shoes and crossed to the shadey side, where we are, now, sitting in the shade with our feet and legs in the river. It has made a huge difference in cooling us down. Oh, before sitting down, we took a dunk in a pool just down from our sitting spot. The water is coming out of a spring and is very cold.

Our transit/traversing of the river was fairly easy today.

Day 4 - Evening - Before I describe our trip down the river today I must note our change in plans. It is dusk and we have been busy packing - getting ready to head out in the morning. We are in the camp area at the base of the Pennyweight Trail. We have seen lots of people today - lots of folks sniping on the river, young lovers camping (they took our chosen spot before we could pack down river to claim it) and teenagers. A really nice man from Davis, whom we met sniping, hauled an old folding chair up to our camp for us to sit on. It is wonderful! We are taking turns sitting in the chair and it feels great! I never knew a chair could feel so good! We have seen 10 hikers, if you count Chuck, who has been hiking down the river all day looking for cigarettes. We saw the young miner who goes in and out each day and hikes a long distance up river to work. These are hearty souls! We now know that he goes out the Pennyweight Trail because we saw him head out tonight. The man from Davis told us the river below here is really gnarly with 2 drop offs. We have had enough of difficult river transits and portages. We are beat and we will head out very early in the morning and hope to catch a ride to Colfax and call Arlene. We figure if we are up on the road by 7 AM we can catch someone headed into work or school from Iowa Hill.

We are dreaming of an ice cold beer, hot shower and a bed to sleep in. A few clouds are moving in tonight ..... the first clouds we have seen all week.

Larry: Day 4 Early Morning ~ Once again watching the early morning sun light up the tops of the high ridges at yet another camp spot, discussing our plans for the day with our first cup of tea. Saw two kingfishers out early, looking for breakfast, I imagine. The timeless rush of the river and the solid mass of rock around me gives me a sense of transient presence. I look at the water worn masses of bedrock and realize the millions of years that this canyon has been forming. My mere passage is but an insignificant footnote in the life of this canyon. Yet, it is having an enormous impact on me, not only physically but in causing me to examine my priorities, my motives for being here, my limitations. Should we embrace life more like the kingfisher? I doubt they worry about tomorrow or next week. All they care about is eating and shelter - trusting in the fact that they will eat today.

For us, on this, the 4th day, our thoughts are directed more to our progress down river, our sore, stiff muscles and wondering how to put this experience into the context of our lives. Are we meant to take away lessons from this? Does it hold some profound meaning or is it merely another Bacon adventure? I'm feeling very protective of Charlotte but also frustrated at not being able to prevent her suffering. I say I'm responsible for getting us into this but she quickly claims her role in the decision to do this. We have a dilemma this morning - move camp or stay another day. This is such an ideal spot and yet we have at least 2 days of river to get under our belts in order to be on time at the bridge Saturday afternoon. If we stay here another day/night, then we have the added pressure of pressing on Friday and Saturday. But if we opt to head out today, we run the risk of camping at a less than ideal spot.

Day 4 Afternoon - Another move, another camp, another very hot day! I was able to let the raft go down the river on a tether today - much easier than walking it along. There was a long stretch of river, knee deep with plate sized boulders; much easier going. We headed for the camp spot that we had scouted out early in the morning but when we arrived, it had been claimed by a young couple. They had our idylic spot and offered to share but we decided to keep going. So, we pressed overland on down river and found a fairly nice spot under a towering pine. The afternoon sun is unrelenting and shade is scarce so we walked across the river into the shade, where we are sitting with our feet in the water. I was overwhelmed today with the realization that we are going to actually make it through the full week, challenges and all. I felt so proud of us for perservering through it all. But..... actually, what choice did we have?

Day 4 Evening - PS - After spending a scalding afternoon in the hot sun and being beaten up and bruised, the decision has been made to pack it all up and hike out on the Penneyweight Trail. Ironically, the foot of the trail is now 100 yards from our camp. We'll hike out to the road, ride our thumbs into Colfax and call Arlene to come get us. There is no shame in calling this trip over. We did all the hard parts and I'm very proud of both of us.

American River Adventure ~ Day 5

Friday, August 28, 2009
Chicago Park, CA

Charlotte: Friday Morning ~ Out of the canyon! First I want to write about our extraordinary morning. Here we are at Tofte Ranch at 11.26 AM and showered. First we enjoyed a wonderful cup of coffee on the porch, sitting in chairs. Only 4 days without coffee, has made a huge difference in our appreciation of our morning cup but I think the challenge of our trip played a part in that. We savor the flavor and aroma - we are present with our cup of coffee. Sitting on chairs with cushions on the porch - ahhhh, so comfortable and relaxing. A little snack of coffee cake left over from Arlene's Bunco night - really good coffee cake, I might add, some beef and green olives, also from Arlene's Bunco night. Then, finally a long hot shower - mmmmmmmm. It felt like we needed to scrub everywhere twice to get the camp dirt off and the hot water felt luxurious. All clean again, we took a survey of each other's bodies checking out the scrapes, bruises and bites. Larry has some really large angry bites on his torso. We carry the marks of our trip but mostly we are sore and bone weary tired.

Our trip out was amazing - miraculous in retrospect. After a long painful and agonizing night for both of us, daylight finally arrived. We spent a wakeful night of moans and groans, a few conversations, lots of tossing and turning, checking the time, watching the stars and clouds in the sky and a few short fitful periods of sleep. It never cooled down last night.

Arlene is NOT home. We forgot she was headed to Sacramento on Friday. I have to say it is so perfect that Arlene isn't home and also perfect that we didn't remember. I have been saying that ever since we lost out on our perfect campspot yesterday "Everything is working out in a perfect way" - even having someone else take the campspot we were drooling over.... while we were hauling our gear down river. I remember the dejected look on Larry's face when he turned to me and said "Someone is in our camp spot." I decided rather than choose the frustration, anger and disappointment, I would claim "Everything is working out in a perfect way."

And now here we are alone at Arlene's with time to clean up, talk, reflect, be quiet, write and rest AND we wouldn't have met our 2 special angels - if Arlene had been home and we hadn't decided to come out of the canyon a day early.

Larry: Up at the first sign of light, rolled up our bed, got it all packed up and we are headed up the PW Trail by 6:30. The trail was lots rougher than our friend intimated but by awakening our tired muscles, we climbed out of the canyon. We waited maybe 20 minutes before our first angel stopped to give us a lift into Colfax. Craig was a typical Iowa Hillian with full mustache and beard, long, shoulder length hair, cut-offs and thongs. We had to hold the seat belts across our bodies because they didn't work and he didn't want to get a ticket. His pick-up was so high off the ground I had to give Charlotte a boost from behind to get her up and in the truck. The truck smelled of cigarettes, diesel and dust and old wet dog, which I suspect usually rides in our area of the seat. Craig shared stories of how he found Iowa Hill before going off to prison and how he had returned as soon as he got out of prison. Everyone has a story to tell if you just ask the right questions. Interesting! Charlotte's first comment after Craig dropped us off and drove away was, "What would my mother say?" and after a chuckle..... "CHARLOTTE, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????!!!"

Craig dropped us off at the Chevron Station in Colfax, where we had planned on phoning Arlene to come get us. The pay phone was missing from the booth, so we decided to hike around to Hwy. 174 and hold up a Chicago Park sign.

8 AM in Colfax is probably the busiest time of day, what with dropping kids off at school and people heading down to Auburn for work. We got lots of looks from the long lines of cars at the 4 way stop. Us, in our dusty clothers, with packs on our backs, hiking sticks in hand, bandanas and caps on our head. Some folks acted like they didn't see us, others stared us down with grim looks of disapproval on their faces, while others smiled and waved or gave us a thumbs up and some even offered encouraging comments. I wondered what stories they were telling about these 2 middle aged people walking through Colfax, California on a Friday morning with packs on their backs?

We made our way around to 174 and held up our sign. Very quickly our second angel stopped. Suzzette, a hair stylist and her 2 dogs gave us a lift out to the tiny Chicago Park Store, even though she didn't live in that direction! At the CP store, I asked the proprietor if I could use the phone to call our friend, Arlene, but got her answering machine. I left a message thinking she was out feeding cows. In another little bit I asked to use the phone again..... still no answer. After about 45 minutes, our 3rd angel stopped and offered to buy us some breakfast. Kelly thought we were homeless and assumed I was a vet and wanted to help out. I explained our situation. It seems she is an old backpacker and now packs folks in to the backcountry of the Sierras with horses. Kelly gave us a lift all the way to Arlene's! We felt a kinship with Kelly.

We were sitting on the front porch, clean from our hot showers, with a cup of coffee by 10 AM!!! Thanks to our band of angels. We toasted each other with our coffee for a job well done. Thank you God for our week of adventure and discovery and thank You for bringing us safely out of the canyon!

After the Adventure ~ Day 6

Saturday, August 29, 2009
Tofte Ranch - Sunny & Hot

Charlotte: Day 6 ~ What a wonderful night! No misquitos or bears to think about or contend with. A bed to sleep in, a pillow for our heads and a fan to keep us cool. We sure take our creature comforts for granted.

Just spent about an hour on the phone with Steve comparing notes about our adventures and hearing about their gold below the Mineral Bar Bridge. They are pretty banged up and bruised, too. We are both excited about another trip - maybe even Monday.

Larry: Day 6 ~Finally, a restful night of sleep. We harvested for Arlene yesterday in the PM and then sat on the front porch with a glass of wine to await her surprise at seeing sitting on the porch when she drove up. Felt good that we could get out tonight and harvest the garden for market even with our aches and pains. A little rest really helped. We've seen the pics of Steve's gold that they pulled out of staircase rapids. Wow! We are jazzed up to hike up there - maybe Monday. It's hard to slow down after our trip. It seems like we should still be moving somewhere. Residual adrenalin?

Saturday, October 10, 2009
Sutherlin, Oregon
Sunny, McD's
Well, here we are at our new house sitting assignment. We are going to be here until next June.... unbelievable! This is another house sitting assignment that we found at housecarers. Spent last evening with the homeowners. Had a wonderful roast beef dinner! We will feel lost for a few days. We must remember that and cut ourselves some slack - let ourselves settle in. We hare having coffee and giving the homeowners time to pack up. This seems like a much better location that Seattle and the house is very comfortable. The bed is great! That is a very important criteria for us AND the bedroom is very dark.... another nice plus. Guess we will spend time unpacking today. It always helps me to nest.

Regarding TUT - aka The Universe

I am wanting to share our message from TUT (thoughts become things) today.

Before you read it, I have to tell you a couple of short stories.

First, we are at Tuckaway Farm once again and for the last couple of days we have been watching a white-tailed kite hunting for food in the pastures across the road. We look out across a huge expanse of pastureland reaching to the far hills. He hovers and then moves on, hovers and then moves on, but then if he spots something, he dives to the ground. When he or she is successful, they fly back to the south and way up the ridge and into a grove of oak trees (yep, I just went to check with the binoculars - a grove of oak trees!). It has been fascinating to watch the hunt and the bird's long flight home and then disappearance into the trees. We've actually had conversations over the past few days about the whole process of the kite's flight.

Second: this morning we got up really early, thanks to Luna the pup, who just wants us to get up early and be with her. After we wrote in our journals, we shared some of our thoughts. Before I go there, I must tell you that we drove up to northeastern Washington, an hour north and west of Spokane on July 3rd to check out an 8 month housesit assignment. It was not as advertised; no cell phone service, only dial-up internet available in the area, a water bed, a 30+ year old mobile home (nice but..... full of ruffles, pink and turquoise and absolutely full of stuff and no place for our things), a white sofa and carpet which was really strange since it was so far out. And, there would be times we would be snowed in by feet of snow. The lady is a retired school teacher who was married to a Native American. He has died and she can keep her home as long as she lives and then it will revert back to a family member in the tribe. She practically begged us to come stay while she goes to Mexico for 8 months. She even had the place staged for the showing. We went there really excited, based on the description of the place and we didn't really believe there could be only dial-up anywhere. When we got there, we were crushed, after driving that far; but like I said, thank goodness we went because we might have accepted the assignment based on the description and photos. Sooooo, after getting that excited, we started talking about our ideal situation as we drove back to Portland. We each described what it would be! 8 - 9 months, possibly year to year, starting in October so we would have our summers free and in a nice place with cell phone service and high speed internet. We even said in our ideal housesit there would be no animals so we wouldn't be totally tied down and there would be a place for me to paint.

Please keep in mind that in all of the years that we have been signed up with this housesitting service there is rarely an 8 month housesit anywhere. So, on Saturday morning I get up and check email, where I get notices about housesits in the areas I have listed. There is a notice for an 8 month housesit starting in October in Sutherlin, Oregon which is 10 miles north of our storage unit. (We didn't include being near our storage unit but guess someone was looking out for us). I wrote to the people immediately and then we talked on the phone. We'll meet with them at 5 PM tomorrow afternoon, Tuesday. It sounds like a really nice house, 2 years old, 4 bedroom, 3 baths built by the husband, who is a contractor, up on a hill overlooking the valley and only 2 miles out of the little town of Sutherlin and there are no animals to take care of. We hate to get our hopes up but we are very hopeful and excited about this. These folks go to Mexico for the winter each year, leaving in October and returning by June.

We were blown away by this housesit assignment assignment in Sutherlin since it is exactly what we asked for. We spoke our wishes on July 3rd and never thought about it again. This is an 8 month housesit that starts in October each year until these folks move to Mexico permanently in a few years, cell phone, high speed Internet, no animals, the house is grand, the deck is grand and the view is spectacular and there is a place for me to paint. They have kept their piece of property mostly natural - a very small yard below, small flowerbed out back and 2 houseplants to take care of and they told us that we could leave for as long as a week from time to time if we just let their friends in Roseburg know. Did we play a part in manifesting this housesit? How did this show up right now?

L was really blown away by the whole thing. So, we talked about our Mannatech business and how maybe we work too hard at trying to MAKE things happen. Remember, the "how" is none of our business? If we manifested this housesit, how do we tap into that? We both agreed we needed to get back to reading the books about how we create our lives with our thoughts and the law of attraction. We even spoke specifically this morning about needing more "faith" and less "how" in our lives.....that faith comes from the spiritual side and "how" come from the ego and we can see how this applies to all of life and not just our Mannatech business. And, is Mannatech our true calling? What is for our highest good? Where is our heart in all of this? These last few days have been such a rich contemplative time for us..... slow and easy. It is just what we needed. We were so beat when we got here and then we had a lovely day of rain Sunday so we were forced indoors to stillness and quiet.

Before we decided to put everything into storage, we had reached a point where we had to generate more income, and it wasn't coming from Mannatech, or go into more debt and we simply weren't willing to do that. Douglas County has a huge unemployment rate and poverty so our recruiting efforts here have been challenged. We were talking about all of this when friends contacted us, out of the blue, about doing some work for them up in Oregon City, and then when we shared about that with our friend down in Grass Valley, she asked if we would come do some work for her. We had scheduled this farm sit back in May. Our friends in Oregon City insisted on paying us way more that we billed them for, the lady in Grass Valley has done the same and we are going back to paint her big barn and house, these folks on the farm paid us more than we agreed on and our management company returned our entire deposit on our apartment, which we understand never happens. It just feels wrapped up like a present by some divine plan that we are in the center of.

We don't want to go back to that place of judgement and failure around our business that we left behind when we left our apartment and "went back to work". We have signed up new people and renewed people and even had 85 points counting toward the incentive trip to Costa Rica before we left the apartment but it seemed like we never could get the train out of the station. We are totally resisting going back down the rabbit hole. We feel a positive, fun, easy energy at play in our lives right now and we want to stay in that place. And in the past 6 weeks we have had 2 All Star sign ups, 2 members and a retail customer - through no effort on our part. Are we making up the story that we have to be "working at it" for this business to grow? Apparently, we aren't an essential part. We have been telling that story and trying to make it true - work hard, make money.

With regard to our businesses, we do feel that our income will grow. How? We don't know. We ask, Are we in the wrong place? Are we talking to the wrong people? Do we say the wrong things???? Who knows. We are trusting in a knowing, that will show up at some point. We can almost feel it, if we stop trying so hard to come up with the right answers. If we stop trying to make something happen. It seems to be coming in pieces. It's like a dance. We take a step and the Universe moves, too.

So, here we are still in the conversation about all of that and we opened TUT. (We try to read TUT together each day) I am wondering about things, like what happened with TUT this morning? James Redfield would say it is a sign that we are in the flow. We really felt like this was a special message, just for us, especially, after watching the bird and our conversations of these past few days. The whole thing seems amazing.

I am reading a wonderful book by Marsha Sinetar. A few words from that - "Each day requires a bit of transendental dreaming, as John Muir put it. The workplace of assembly lines and pat answers is evaporating. Success now depends on thinking with a "whole brain", a full awareness. As suggested this is developed gradually - verbally and nonverbally - often through classic meditative disciplines, nature experiences or "peak" moments.

Author Anthony J. Wilhem touches on this issue in theological terms saying that our labors, (i.e., work, or struggle to find answers, etc.) become burdensome because we're divorced from our inner kingdom. Having lost ourselves, we lose our way.

Now our message from "TUT... A Note from the Universe

Yesterday I watched a small bird, flying very fast, disappear into the canopy of an oak tree. So dense were its leaves that it was impossible to see what happened next, though I can tell you it remained inside. I wondered how the little bird found its opening through the leaves at such a speed, and then managed to gently align its fragile body on the branch it chose to land upon, all within a fraction of a second. Not to mention the impossible to imagine flying maneuvers required: the banking, the curling, the vertical and horizontal stabilizations, the deceleration and landing.

Memory? Calculation? Not in that tiny brain. Instinct? Maybe, but how does instinct know which way the branches of a tree have grown when no two are the same?

Larry & Charlotte, that little bird just knew. It had faith, in spite of not being able to see how things would work out, that if (and only if) it stayed the course, the details would be taken care of; that an opening would appear and a twig would be found. In fact, had she slowed down enough to carefully and logically inspect the tree first, the prudent thing to do, she would have lost her lift and fallen to the ground.

Kind of like reaching for your dreams. Neither memory, nor calculating, nor instincts are the deciding factors, but faith coupled with action.

Tallyho, The Universe

WARNING: Larry & Charlotte, staying the course is NOT the same as clinging to a HOW.

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ® TUT

We wish you many blessings and miracles.
With love from Tuckaway,
Larry & Charlotte

Returning to Tuckaway

June 4, 2009
Tuckaway Farm
Yoncalla, Oregon

Here we are back at Tuckaway Farm. We had a great thunderstorm right after we arrived. There are great dark clouds moving through. It is sooooo quiet here. Luna, the black lab seemed to remember us and Barney the cat always seems to be glad to see us. It looks like we'll have on and off showers all weekend. Hopefully, we can get some ponding in. What a great place to spend a few days of contemplation.

A New Beginning

Where will the road take us next? Each day is a new beginning. This moment is all there really is. My journey begins from right here.... where I sit in this chair. Boy, it has taken me a long time to get to that knowing place. I thought I had to haul my past......my history around with me. I suppose at some cellular level it has played a part in defining me but my past does not have to be my identity.

I awaken as a new person each day.......just a little different from the person who was here yesterday. I know that at times, in the past, I have been stuck.......one foot in the quicksand and one foot wanting to move forward. That deep abiding spirit that lives within us calls us forward. Who holds us in the quicksand of history and past mistakes......the "only ifs and what ifs" of yesterday?

I have felt this deep longing to write for weeks now. I don't really have a specific subject. It is more like following a thread to see where it will take me. There is a voice deep inside telling me...... reassuring me that I will find my way. This will be a vision quest for me. I have been sitting on the bank watching the river flow by for some time now. It calls to me and this morning I have decided to slip into the water and see where it will take me.

Maturity has brought with it more fear and less daring. With life more than half over it feels like there is more to lose by putting things off. The magical time of youth has passed. When we are young we think we have all the time in the world to do and be all that we dream of. As the clock ticks on there is a sense that we are running out of time. It has forced me to start thinking about WHAT is really important. The list is getting shorter.

Time feels more precious with each passing day. We have put our dreams away like toys in a toy box. Is it time to find them again? Is it time to play in the world of our dreams?
Charlotte