Prospecting for a new home....

Well, we are pulling up stakes here in Sutherlin, Oregon come June. Just like the early gold miners, we're looking for richer diggins. We have been house sitters for three years in a row for these folks but they have decided to sell their place. It's just as well as we were thinking about moving on....... wondering when to pull up stakes and where the path would lead us. Guess the time is now. We have followed our inner compass over all these past 30+ years so we'll moisten our finger, stick it up in the air and see what direction the wind is blowing.

FIRST YOU HAVE TO ROW A LITTLE BOAT

We are reading a wonderful little book, "First You Have To Row A Little Boat - Reflections on Life and Living". 

Neither of us sail but it is not necessary in order to grasp the practical life wisdom of this prose. On this beautiful winter day I wanted to share a small snippet. 

"To change directions is a difficult tact at best, and we're doomed to failure, destined to become a prisoner of the wind, if we attempt it in an ineffectual way.

There's only one sure way to come about, and that is to gather momentum on the course we're on. As a youth, I applied that lesson narrowly to to the handling of my sloop, but with the passage of time I saw that it was a verity, as true for life on land as for life at sea. I might abhor the tack I was on - and I recall two memorable occasions when I did. Early in life, I deplored the college I was attending; later, I despised the job I held. But I had to stay with each long enough to gather wherewithal (decent grades in the first case, sufficient savings in the second) to carry myself through the eye of the wind. If I quit one or the other prematurely, I would founder and the wind would take over my life, blowing me in directions I had no desire to go.

I know another young man who casts constantly about, hopping from one job to another. He says he's trying to figure out where he fits in, what he wants to do with his life, and I sympathize with that goal in its entirety. But I notice that he never really gives himself a chance; the jobs he takes aren't the ones he selects; they're the ones he's forced to take because his rent is due, and so he's "in irons" all the time.

What's at stake is nothing less than personal autonomy - our capacity to empower ourselves so that we may choose the course of our life rather than have it chosen for us by others whose values may differ radically from our own. We may make a decision to go our own way, which is the only true way, but if we're caught without wind in our sails we'll find ourselves captive, doing the bidding of those we detest. And the tragedy is this: We may never give the gift, which is ourselves, to those we love or find out who we truly are."

Well, that is what we want to remember to think about every day. Are we on our path? or marching so someone else's drummer? Are we living our best life or letting our limiting beliefs get in the way? We wish you good pondering today!

To read click below:

First You Have to Row a Little Boat: Reflections on Life & Living

 

Speaking of Death

Friday, February 24, 2012

Here is an email from our dear friend Michael Moran, Minister of the Spiritual Life Center in Sacramento, California. To subscribe to his weekly newsletter go to Spiritual Life Center

We met Michael while we were house sitting in Sacramento in 2004. I share this because when my sister, Sherry, was laying in the hospital last April I acted like the children in this story. I am sure she wanted to say things to us but we kept telling her "later.... when you feel better. There will be plenty of time to talk about these things. You're going to be OK." But she wasn't going to be OK and we found out later that she spoke with nurses instead so she wouldn't upset us... I wish that we could turn back the clock and handle things in a very different way.

My dear friends,

Believe it or not, one of the most enriching aspects of being a minister is conducting memorial services for families.  Lately, it seems I have been doing more memorial services than normal.  Many people are choosing this time to exit the earth plane.  (Do they know something we don't?)

In some rare instances, I have the opportunity to meet with the person facing imminent death to discuss their beliefs about life, death, purpose, and their desires for their memorial service, which I refer to as their "Celebration of Life Service."  What a privilege it is to openly discuss end-of-life issues with a person and his or her family.  It is so healthy to approach the end of this life expression honestly.  Often times, there is great reluctance on the part of family members to release their loved one, and they shut off any attempts to broach the subject.  That always saddens me because in most situations the dying person wants, and needs, to talk it through.

I recall a time I was doing my chaplain residency at Baptist Hospital in Kansas City, Kansas.  When I arrived for my shift, I was given the list of patients who had been assigned to me.  I was to call on each one and minister to them as best I could.  That afternoon I was tired and out of sorts.  I really didn't want to minister to anyone that night; fact is, I felt in need of a chaplain myself, but there I was.  One of the names on my list was a woman who had just had major surgery and experienced serious complications.  She had requested a visit.  As I walked into her room, I saw that she was sleeping peacefully and I selfishly thought to myself, "Oh good, I'll just leave my card, a note, and a Daily Word."  I stood by her bed and said a prayer for her and her medical team.  As I was filling out my report before I left her room, I became aware of the woman in the bed by the door.  She was surrounded by her children who were waiting for her to be released that afternoon.  She sat quietly in her bed as her children bustled around her, fluffing pillows, pouring water, and talking animatedly about trivial matters.  As I walked past her bed on the way out, "something" told me to stop and speak to her.  I stood at the end of her hospital bed and our eyes met.  She had soft, kind, sad eyes.

I joked with her and commented, "Well, you look like you're being well taken care of.  You've trained them well."  Her kids seemed very nervous and kept reassuring her that she was just fine and soon would be her old self again.  The woman ignored them and kept her eyes locked on mine.  Then she said, "I am checking out soon."  The kids continued to chatter . I instinctively knew she wasn't referring to checking out of the hospital, she was soon to check out of this life.  I said, "You seem to have great peace with that."  She replied, "I do have peace.  I have had a wonderful life and it's my time."  The nervous energy among her children amped up noticeably, and they started admonishing her, "Oh Mom, just stop that!  You're going to be fine.  You'll outlive us all."

She ignored them and continued looking at me.  I asked her what was so wonderful about her life, and she went on to tell me about her late husband, who she would be joining soon, her children and grandchildren, the travels they had enjoyed with the family, et cetera.  I stood there listening, fully aware that this was the only way she could communicate to her children that she was dying soon and wanted them to know she was at peace.  I remember thinking, "Ah, this is why I am here.  I was sent to this room, not for the sleeping woman in the other bed, but to be here for this dying woman so she could use me to communicate her truth to her children, which they had been stifling."  The room was quiet now and one of her daughters, starting to cry, bent down to hug her mother.  One of the sons glared at me.  I knew my work was complete now and I wished her a safe journey and a glorious reunion with her husband.  She looked at me with such gratitude as I took my leave.  We smiled a secret, knowing smile and nodded.  I walked out feeling lighter and very grateful that Spirit had used in me in such a way.  In Unity we often refer to our Divine appointments and I felt this was definitely one of those.

We all have a Divine appointment with death, (yes, you too) so the best way to prepare for it is start by discussing your wishes and beliefs with family and friends sooner, not later.  If you are open and unembarrassed about death, your family and friends will most likely take their cue from you.  The conspiracy of silence many people want to enter into concerning death robs every one of the rich gifts of authenticity, reconciliation and closure. 

In the meantime, live as you will want to have lived when you are dying. Carpe Diem!

You are loved beyond measure.

Michael

QUOTES FOR THE WEEK:

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."  --Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Open your eyes; look within.  Are you satisfied with the life you are living?"  --Bob Marley

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you but by the way your mind looks at what happens."  --Khalil Gibran

Ponderings

Good morning,

I hope you will allow me a few minutes of pondering. I am feeling better these days both physically and mentally. I actually think I triggered all of my old symptoms with pushing my body working long hours at the mall over the holiday season (and mind, since it's an inside job keeping your body going under duress) I've had lots of continuous aches and pains, poor sleep, colitis, arrhythmia - not fun but I am feeling better this morning. I didn't even discuss this with Larry until Saturday because I didn't want to give any energy to the possibility - attract more of what I don't want into my life. He just knew that I was in a lot of pain and taking pain pills and not sleeping. I have finally had a couple of good nights of sleep and that has really helped. Time for more Reiki from my live-in Reiki practitioner.

We have been pondering since the New Year. It is the same old song "What are you doing the rest of your life?" We completed an exercise created by Martha Beck.... Make a list of every time you remember being utterly, happily absorbed in an activity no matter how odd.
(From O Magazine: The Four Step Plan to Get Your Life Back On Track
http://www.oprah.com/money/Find-Your-Career-Path/1)

Thank goodness for my partner and "student" Larry, who participates willingly in every little exercise that I dream up. This might be a good one for clients, if I ever decide to have "clients" and a coaching practice.

This article is all about finding a "career". She says that you need to stop thinking rationally and go a little wild. Martha says, "These days, listening to my clients talk about their careers reminds me how bewildered I was by my demon GPS. People wander aimlessly because the well-worn paths of yesteryear are disappearing, while strange new options pop up before our frazzled brains can map them. The more new technologies and options have entered everyday life, the more my clients tend to become confused and overwhelmed, finding themselves facing a dead end. Like most of us who have no clue about how to get to where we want, they long for a voice of authority that will spell out the exact route to a thrilling and fulfilling position. Although they keep beavering away at a solution, researching their options and seeking the advice of people with hot new ideas for them, people end up in my office more muddled than ever. They tell me things like:
•"There's so much going on, and it sounds exciting to me, but I feel paralyzed about which new thing to follow up on."
•"I keep reading about all of these new opportunities but I don't really understand them, and I'm afraid I'm being left behind."
•"I'd be happy to follow my passion....if only I knew what it was."
•"I worry that if I commit to one career, I'll lose out on something else."

Wow! This sounds like me - Martha has me pegged.

More from Martha..... "If any of these sound like you, don't bother with classic career guides, they'll have you meandering in circles, stumped at dead ends, or just profoundly lost. The fact is, as we've become accustomed to our over-managed, overstimulated 21st-century lives, we haven't realized that there might be another - decidedly low tech - way to get into the right path.

I suspect you've been advised to think rationally about your career decisions. That would be a big mistake. You might expect people with damage to the emotional parts of the brain, presumably free from the distractions of emotions, to be brilliant decision makers. Quite the opposite. Though they retain full use of their rational faculties, such patients are tragically indecisive, endlessly debating logical pros and cons, unable to choose any path. Their brains send out random, contradictory, and confusing directions. It turns out that, as Jonathan Haidt writes in the Happiness Hypothesis, "it is only because our emotional brains work so well that our reasoning can work at all." Interesting? Maybe I am suffering some kind of brain disorder from to much time on the computer - there is more to say about this at a later time.


Although humans are the only beings on Earth with advanced linguistic skills, any animal with a brain has the automatic capacity to form preferences. It's an irrational sense of "Yes, this!" that takes a migrating goose a thousand miles to it's perfect nesting ground, or a whale to it's calving waters an ocean away. To find your perfect career or path, you have to let your animal self lead you through a wilderness of choices. The way to do that is to make your rational mind not the master but the tracker of your own irrational instincts."
To read the complete article go to
http://www.oprah.com/money/Find-Your-Career-Path/1 

I am not necessarily looking for a career.... or am I? I am definitely looking for something. We do need to make some extra income? Somehow I think I need to take income out of the equation. My list went like this; gardening, fishing, prospecting/dredging for gold, writing, painting (artwork, not houses), people watching, cooking (some things), reading, learning, hiking in the wilderness, mushroom hunting, playing the piano, teaching, coaching (maybe) ...... an interesting list but do I want to do these activities every day or even often? or as a vocation?

We completed another list where you write down what you feel you are good at but some of those "talents" definitely don't make my heart sing; like handing out samples of food or merchandising a store. I know one of my ways to feel alive is to get outside but it is 32 degrees and foggy here this morning. I am longing to go somewhere warm..... Arizona, a warm beach somewhere, maybe the bathtub. It is this time of winter when we get tired of being cold and we long to be somewhere else.

This Sutherlin housesit has provided a sense of security. We get to live in this 3000 square foot, 4 year old custom home 8 months out of the year and that is a blessing but it's not a geographical location of our choosing and the climate leaves a lot to be desired since dark, cold and wet lasts so long here. We keep coming back because, what will we do if we don't have this housesit? We feel stuck. It is time to step out and trust that the net will appear. The northwest director for Hickory Farms has promised us a store in Brookings, Oregon next year. She has wanted to open a store there for some time but needed someone experienced to run it since we will be way off of the beaten path.

We are exploring what is possible. We started a sign language class last night. It was great fun and really worked our brains. We had more fun than we expected. I have been working on a website for sometime, that no one has seen at this point. I think I will get back to that. It's about health and wellness and energy healing. It is part of following the thread. It is definitely a creative endeavor for me because there is so much I can do with it with regard to my interests. Larry feels he is ready to start writing in earnest and he has a outlet for his creative expressions, if he chooses to go that way. He has long talked about writing a book and these last couple of weeks he keeps saying "honey, I'm about ready to do it."

"Just do it!" seems to be the direction..... take the first step and then the next, and then the next. As we so often say "Go to the edge of the light" but do we remember that? Well, thank you for letting me "hear myself think".

We each completed a quiz to see what was holding us back. This is what it said about Larry:

Ready for Change - "Congratulations! You understand an important truth: Everyone feels fear. And you know that the secret to success is not letting fear stop you. With practice, you've developed the courage you need to move forward despite your anxieties. Your confidence will allow you to explore other paths and stay the course when you encounter bumps in the road."

Well, hurray for Larry! Sounds pretty good! Maybe a good affirmation to read each day.

This was mine:

Fear of Success - "You're fairly confident in your abilities, but you balk at the pressure of maintaining success once you have it. You know that your achievements will breed higher expectations and you worry that you won't be able to meet them. You may even be experiencing what psychologists call impostor syndrome, the fear that those around you will discover you're not really as talented or competent as they think. People who fear success often credit their achievements to circumstances rather than to their talent and other assets. The key for these people is to accept responsibility for their accomplishments."

Footnote to the above (Fear of Success) ***"Many of my clients find this simple exercise helpful: Think of a recent success. Now make a list of the skills and qualities you drew on to win it - determination, intelligence, creativity, charm.... (If you're struggling, ask a friend for help; others can often see your assets more clearly than you can.) Make this exercise a habit each time something goes well. Once you begin to see your strengths in action every day, you will recognize that you are , in fact, well-equipped to tackle whatever challenges lie ahead. (Take the Quiz and find out
"What's Holding You Back?"
http://www.oprah.com/money/Whats-Holding-You-Back_1

This housesit will conclude about the middle of June. We intend to head to California at that point. We'll spend a couple of weeks helping Arlene get her garden up and running once again..... maybe. We are not intending to spend the summer there. We have friends in Sonoma who has asked up to paint their house so we could do that for extra money. We are thinking about making a trip down this spring to look at the project. The folks at Tuckaway Farm have asked up to ranch sit the month of September. We love it there and the pay is good. We love spending time at Tuckaway Farm! It is delicious and delightful. (To read more about Tuckaway Farm and see some photos go to 2003 entries - we'll be putting up more photos in the next few days)

We are planning to spend the interim time camping out in southwest Oregon, prospecting, exploring and camping. We get 10 days of free camping each month in Oregon State Parks and 1/2 price a National Parks, BLM and Forest Service campgrounds. Like I said we are looking for signs and following the thread so who really knows but these are the tentative plans. We may look for a place to share-crop!

Well, that is all I know this morning. I am going to get up and tackle these boxes that have been sitting here in the dining room since we moved back into the house last September. Maybe I'll find some clues in there. Thanks for listening.

ARE YOU BELIEVING IN LACK WHILE SURROUNDED BY ABUNDANCE?

 ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM BURNOUT...... OR JUST IN THE DOLDRUMS???


From Wikipedia: "Burnout is a psychological term for the experience of long-term exhaustion and diminished interest. It is emotional exhaustion and a reduced sense of personal accomplishment. People who experience all three symptoms - (exhaustion, diminished interest, reduced sense of personal accomplishment) have the greatest degrees of burnout, although emotional exhaustion is said to be the hallmak of burnout."

So as we slide into emotional exhaustion like the deep end of a pool..... we must remember that this will ultimately result in being in the "doldrums" for awhile. Actually, it is a good thing - as long as we don't fight against it. It is a time for rest and renewal. The secret is to relax and go with the flow even if it doesn't seem to be going anywhere and be open to the possibilities. The stillness.... the peace and quiet of our minds will bring us back to our place.


The Doldrums ~ A Metaphor for Life
by Rebecca Fine

In the days of the mighty sailing ships, when brave souls voyaged into the unknown, dependent on the winds and their as-yet incomplete knowledge of geography and navigation, one of the greatest and most dangerous challenges was to traverse the area known as "the doldrums."

Extending about 30 degrees on either side of the equator, the doldrums are subject to days, weeks, even months of no wind at all. After a long and difficult crossing from Europe to South America, lying becalmed in the doldrums -- with no land in sight and with the ship's supply of fresh water dwindling -- could become a frightening, life-threatening situation.

But history and legend offer us some fascinating insights into the power of our own thinking and belief. Back then no one had yet figured out how to determine longitude, although latitude was easily calculated. So if you could not see recognizable land, you could only know in what band of latitude you currently were.

Exactly where you were on that ring around the earth was, at that time, unknowable.

And so it happened that at times a ship would fetch up off the coast of South America, out of sight of shore, fresh water supplies exhausted and death knocking at the door. Then, with what must have been the sweetest sound those sailors could ever have hoped for, the lookout would suddenly call out that a ship was approaching in the distance.

Once the ship was within hailing distance, the cry would go up: "Water! Give us water!" And the reply would come back: "Lower your buckets over the side."

You see, although the sailors didn't know it, they were afloat in a virtual river of drinkable and life-sustaining water flowing from the mouth of the powerful Amazon River, which carries nearly 20 percent of all the earth's runoff water into the sea with such force that the fresh (or brackish but safe) water flows as far as 100 miles out into the Atlantic.

The sailors, dying of thirst, only THOUGHT they were experiencing lack. The REALITY was that they were engulfed in a literal sea of abundance. Exactly what they needed was within their reach the whole time, but the APPEARANCE of scarcity and their BELIEF in that appearance threatened to overpower them.

They could have died -- and many certainly did -- believing in lack while surrounded by abundance.

Question for the day: Are you living in lack while surrounded by abundance?

Crones Don't Whine

Speaking of Crones....... Something I've been thinking about with regard to my accumulating years. I heard Jean Shinoda Bolen speak about crones a few years ago and I have not forgotten it. It is something that has stayed with me. When I first think of "crones" I always see a hunched-over, gnarly woman in a ratty medieval cape with a hood, pathetic and menacing. Bolen pits herself firmly against that image.

In Bolens own words..... "I am proposing that it is time to reclaim and redefine “crone” from the word pile of disparaging names to call older women, and to make becoming a "crone" a crowning inner achievement of the third phase of life. She says that "crone years are growing years, when women can devote their time, energy and creativity to what really matters to them."

To be a crone is about inner development, not outer appearance: A crone is a woman who has wisdom, compassion, humor, courage, and vitality. She has a sense of truly being herself, can express what she knows and feels, and take action when need be. She does not avert her eyes or numb her mind from reality. She can see the flaws and imperfections in herself and others, but the light in which she sees is not harsh and judgmental. She has learned to trust herself to know what she knows... and most importantly "Crones don't whine". It's a basic "rule" that describes conduct unbecoming of a crone. "Whining is an attitude that blocks spiritual and psychological development. Whining makes genuine communication impossible and extorts what then cannot be freely given."

"We become fiercely compassionate crones when we are outraged at the suffering caused as much by indifference by those in authority as by the perpetrators. Compassion and anger come together for terrorized, abused, helpless, and neglected people, whose plight is considered of little importance because they have no power or values in a world where greed and power over others rather than concern for others is the ruling principle. Crones are not naïve or in denial about reality. When something in particular is an outrage, and doing something about it is the choice, a moment of truth occurs in which activists are born. The suffering of others or the feeling of enough is enough! radicalizes older women. .. the Crone is a woman who has found her voice. She knows that silence is consent. This is a quality that makes older women feared. It is not the innocent voice of a child who says, "the Emperor has no clothes," but the fierce truthfulness of the crone that is the voice of reality. Both the innocent child and the crone are seeing through the illusions, denials, or "spin" to the truth. But the crone knows about the deception and its consequences, and it angers her. Her fierceness springs from the heart, gives her courage, makes her a force to be reckoned with."

Bolen offers us a blueprint; "Crones don't whine. They're juicy, and they trust their own instincts. They don't grovel. They do meditate. They trust the path with heart. Crones are fierce about what matters most to them. They speak the truth with compassion. They listen to their bodies, reinvent themselves as needed, and savor the good in their lives."  She also believes that men can be crones too if they are nurturing human beings who care for others.

So where am I on this path? Where are you?

Teens Reaching Across The World

What if you invited teens in the Sonoma Valley in California, to come together and have a conversation about what kind of world they want? What do they want to do to help create that better world? What if you invited students from Banjika Secondary School in rural Tanzania to engage the same questions? What if they created a documentary and held these two conversations together? To find out what happened click below

TEENS REACHING ACROSS THE WORLD

Time for Recovery

Thank goodness another season of working at the mall has ended. It sure seems to be taking a long time to recover. We just put in another long season working for Hickory Farms at the mall in Roseburg, Oregon. We have been spending long hours at the mall with very few days off since the first of November but that all ended almost a week ago. I have certainly had lots of aches and pains going on for the last few weeks. There are folks younger than us that couldn't handle the long hours of standing on our feet. I don't know how my grandmother did it into her 80's, working in grocery stores, checking groceries, standing on her feet all day long. Working at a mall is a real experience..... it is a different culture.... a community of sorts. It is a whole different way of life ...... hard to understand or describe unless you do it. We connected with lots of the folks we met last year. It is like a reunion of sorts. It is been all consuming.... all we've been thinking and talking about is selling cheese and sausage. When we are at home our minds were too tired to even attemp to conjure up thoughts about anything else.

A Work of Art: Mink River by Brian Doyle

 Mink River

This is one of the most wondorous and beautifully written books we have ever read. Brian Doyle breaks every rule and creates a work of art ...... painting pictures with his prose. He ignores every grammatical rule and we love his naughty punctuation. This is a must read for every word lover. Enjoy this breathtaking journey. Larry & Charlotte Bacon

Here is a short excerpt from Mink River:

"The river thinks, too, you know. Did you think that rivers did not think? The Mink is thinking. Salmon and steelhead and cutthroat trout, it thinks. Fir needles. Salmonberries dropping suddenly and being snapped up by trout who think them orange insects. Alder and spruce roots drinking me always their eager thin little rude roots poking at me. Rocks and pebbles and grains of stone and splinters of stone and huge stones and slabs and beaver and mink and crawdads and feces from the effluent treatment plant upriver. Rain and mist and fog and gale and drizzle and howl and owl. Asters and arrow-grass. Finger creeks feeder creeks streams ditches seeps and springs. Rowboats and rafts. Canoes and chicory. Men and women and children. Dead and alive. Willows and beer bottles and blackberry and ducklings and wood sorrell and rubber boots and foxglove and buttercup and rushes and slugs and snails and velvetgrass and wild cucumber and orbweaver spiders and that woman singing with her feet in me singing..........

"Brian Doyle's stunning fiction debut brings a town to life through the jumbled lives and braided stories of its people. In a small fictional town on the Oregon coast there are love affairs and almost-love-affairs, mystery and hilarity, bears and tears, brawls and boats, a garrulous logger and a silent doctor, rain and pain, Irish immigrants and Salish stories, mud and laughter. There's a Department of Public Works that gives haircuts and counts insects, a policeman addicted to Puccini, a philosophizing crow, beer and berries. An expedition is mounted, a crime committed, and there's an unbelievably huge picnic on the football field. Babies are born. A car is cut in half with a saw. A river confesses what it's thinking. . . It's the tale of a town, written in a distinct and lyrical voice, and readers will close the book more than a little sad to leave the village of Neawanaka, on the wet coast of Oregon, beneath the hills that used to boast the biggest trees in the history of the world." David james Duncan, author of The River .

Good Coffee Morning

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Back in Sutherlin after a little Tuckaway retreat. Good coffee! We are cutting back on coffee and opting for tea most mornings. It sure makes that cup of coffee good! Had a pretty good night of sleep..... after it cooled off. Had a splendid time at Tuckaway yesterday. Coffee on the porch in the sun (see photo at left) and then coffee at the pond. We harvested cherry tomatoes, beans and cukes, windfall apples and pears and hiked up the hill for more blackberries. I can't believe how much I enjoyed picking blackberries! It is relaxing, calming, pleasurable. The same was true for the cherry tomatoes. Good morning God, angels, guides... good morning Sherry.

I have finally located my "idea book" but I don't want to get caught up in a "to do" list. I have enjoyed the feeling of daily freedom - freedom to choose day to day,  moment to moment. I know how locked in my dictator can get - locked into that "To Do" list.... making me feel good if I get it done - making me feel bad if I don't.

Martha Beck has really opened my eyes to the dictator. I think I have experienced a dramatic shift of some kind. I seem to be enjoying life on a whole new level.... a deeper level. I am more present in the moment. Is it detoxing on Fat Flush? Is it the Chakra clearing exercises? Is it you, Sherry? Was it being in the country at Tuckaway?

I am grateful for the joy I am experiencing. Thank you God.

We couldn't help but notice the contrast between being on the front porch here in Sutherlin and being on the front porch at Tuckaway. They both have good views. We look across a valley full of people coming and going here in Sutherlin. At Tuckaway we look across a valley filled with cows and llamas. Tuckaway is quiet except for the occassional cow, coyote, birds and bees. The valley in Sutherlin is seldom quiet. It is filled with the noise of children playing, barking dogs, traffic noise and guns - at least last evening.

Good Morning Dear Sweet Sister

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Good morning dear Sherry,

I am missing you so. You are on my mind and in my heart each and every day. The tears are near the surface although I know you would tell me not to cry for you. Your life was too short..... you left us too soon. I found myself awake in the night pondering the bigger questions - why are we here?!?! Why are we here on this earth and why did you leave? Why are Larry & I here in San Clemente? I know that your passing has had a huge impact on me in ways that I cannot even know yet. You are with me still and for that I am grateful. Without me realizing it  at the time, you were one of my greatest teachers and continue to teach me on a daily basis. You are one of my true heroes for so many reasons. I'll tell you about that one of these days.

Back to the question, "Why are we here?" It makes me think of a song Larry wrote about not long ago, "What's it all about, Alfie?" Now that's a song from our youth. Remember, we used to think it was sad?

What's it all about, Alfie?

Is it just for the moment we live?

What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?

Are we meant to take more than we give

Or are we meant to be kind?

And if only fools are kind, Alfie,

Then I guess it's wise to be cruel.

And if life belongs only to the strong, Alfie,

What will you lend on an old golden rule?

As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, Alfie,

I know there's something much more,

Something even non-believers can believe in.

I believe in love, Alfie.

Without true love we just exist, Alfie.

Until you find the love you've missed you're nothing, Alfie.

When you walk let your heart lead the way

And you'll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie

would you tell me what's it all about?

what's it all about? Alfie, Alfie, Alfie.

What's it all about? Whats this all about?

what's it all about Alfie?

 It seems we are all looking for ways to fill our time with activities that make us feel good. Always searching for things that make us feel good. Since most of us are needing to make money to live, or so we think, we are looking for an endeavor that makes us feel good. We exchange the money for goods, shelter, creature comforts, clothing and "stuff" - stuff that makes us feel good..... toys, trinkets, trivia - unbelievable! Trading time for money - trading our lives for money - selling our souls for a dollar, if we are not conscious. I don't think that was the drummer you were marching to..... I think you had more faith than we have about being taken care of. We go through life spending our time - the minutes, hours, days, weeks, years - our bank account of time - much of it in a state of unconsciousness - filling up the minutes and hours with activities that make money - even when it may make us miserable - trying to buy our way to happiness - to freedom - the freedom to choose, but choose what? Many of us settling for far less that what we really long for or think we want. Why? Because we don't think we can have it or deserve it?

Most of us searching for the compromise - some endeavor that won't make us totally miserable - something that will make us feel good sometimes. It often seems to be activity that feeds the ego - makes the ego feel good but in the bigger picture does any of that matter? The degrees, awards, praise, acceptance? In the work-a-day world it matters. It gets us the promotions, more money - makes life easier but who are we selling out to? and what is it really costing us? You didn't seem to function in that world. Your world was much simpler but far more difficult. I wish you could tell me what you thought of all of that.

Up until now, who has been driving my bus? I think I was allowing myself to be addicted to the Internet for a long time..... information overload ..... because it was feeding the ego.... it felt productive in some way.... useful and I think it is a huge escape? I was so distracted by my efforts to feel good that I never stopped to think about who was driving my bus? I was so busy trying to stay on the path or find the path, that I never stopped long enough to think about where I was or where I was headed until my close encounter with your spirit. Maybe I was more lost than I realized or maybe I was just going in circles - like riding the carousel. I kept changing animals but I was still going around in the same circle or maybe I was exactly where I was meant to be. I think most of the time, whether consciously or more than likely, unconsciously, I am being driven by fear. How do I get to the truth - the guts of the matter - the master mechanism driving everything else? They say the truth will set you free. I guess I am looking for my truth. Since that last week I spent with you so much of what I spend my time "doing" seems very meaningless. I think I must find a way to spend more time "being".

Fear is a powerful force - the most powerful force used by the ego. I get so caught up in the activities, the business end of life that I forget to ask why - I forget that I need to stop and check in from time to time - and ask why? and then ask again, and again..... until I get to the truth.

I sometimes feel like Adam's little chinchillas - running on a wheel that goes nowhere - trapped in a box and running on the wheel..... because it feels good or because I don't know what else to do?

I don't want to run on that wheel any longer. I don't want to go through life asleep and unconscious any more - making small talk to be part of the tribe. I don't want to be on the bus going nowhere and not realizing it. Maybe I need to get off and rest for awhile.... just be still. I am craving stillness.

My life - my minutes and hours are more precious than that. I think I have been so caught up in this way of getting through each day, I don't even remember who I am. I have been on auto pilot in so many ways. Sometimes I am aware of being on auto pilot when I relate to people. It's a way of not sharing my true self and feelings.... and sometimes the folks I am interacting with are special to me, like you. I regret that when we talked each day during that last 9 months that so often I was on auto pilot.... not really listening to you and not really sharing myself. You deserved better than that and so did I. I wish that we had had less small talk and more meaningful conversations. I know that we did have some wonderful exchanges but I had so many questions and things I wanted to talk about and I put them off for someday.... for June when we'd all be together. I am so sorry for that.  I want to become a gifted listener and keen observer. I don't want to miss any of life going on around  me. I want to learn to be totally present in the moment - get the most from each day on a conscious, spiritual level - BE HERE NOW.

I am realizing this could be the last time I will see our family in Texas..... because who knows how much time any of us have. Did you know how much time you had left on this earth? We have a lot of history with those folks, with that place. I keep going back time and time again. I must be looking for something. Will I ever find what it is I am searching for? I want to honor you with this pilgrimage. I want to get all I can out of being in that place with those people for both of our sakes. I want to be present each day with myself and not be shut off from feelings I may be avoiding. I want to be present with the people, the plants, the animals, the clouds, the stars, the air I breathe and you. I want to be present with all of the senses that I possess in this physical body.... and the deeper and more subtle energies of the universe. They take ever more stillness and attention, I think.

What now? I don't know about anything anymore but perhaps living in the moment means not knowing - perhaps being in the present is all about following the thread.... looking for the breadcrumbs..... watching for the clues, the signs and wonders, the bent twig, the broken leaf, the footprint in the soft earth. Perhaps getting off of the "wheel", the treadmill of life, means stopping often to rest; being still and listening for that small voice more often. Perhaps I have forgotten how to be really quiet and still and listen but I have faith that I can learn again.

Larry & I used to go to the beach and we'd say "we're going to sit here and watch the waves until we know something". We never did have that big aha moment. We discovered or rather remembered some small details that seemed important to life but we never "knew something big" Perhaps that is what we are searching for ..... the small and precious moments, like the ones I felt but could not express in words, as I sat with you dear Sherry, as you passed out of your physcal body and into pure energy. Thank you for sharing life with me. You have left me with many questions to ponder but I know it is a good thing. I hope, dear sweet Sherry, that you know you have touched many lives and continue to do so. I pray that you are at peace.... at last.

Morning Contemplation

Our last full day at Tuckaway. We spent yesterday mowing, raking and weed eating - looks good. Sitting on the front porch in the early morning sun over coffee. Breathe in, breathe out, life is good. Gold panning ocean beaches??? How weird is that? I must find out more about that story! Have been doing some research and talking to folks about Oregon prospecting.

Tuckaway Morning

Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuckaway Farm
Yoncalla Oregon

There is fog in the valley this morning. We are spending a few days at Tuckaway. Our time here has been idyllic. I am sitting in the kitchen looking out the window at the barn and meadow. The other window is a kaleidoscope of birds at the feeder. A good bed, good food, good company, Good God! We have been busy planning our scutcher for next week. Bullard's Bar Beach is our first stop and then we are headed down to the Sixes River for some gold prospecting. We'll get down to Tofte Ranch around the 25th.

"This grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never all dried at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal sunset, eternal dawn and gloaming, on seas and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls."


John Muir (1838 - 1914)

Larry: What Do We Really Know About Each Other???

I was thinking of this just a few weeks ago as I was writing in my morning journal.......
The Brevity of Life.... my life span of 70+ years and counting are complete in my memory with the exceptions of the first couple of years and a few fragments since then. So looking back I can see the long trail that tells my story. On the other hand, my children didn't know me until they were born so there's a 22 year chunk of my life missing in their awareness, not to mention the 30+ years since they left home and began their own lives. So in their memories, my life spans about 20 years and even those years are incomplete because of my working hours and sleep.

Now I realize that is all normal but what struck me last night when we were reminiscing about Sherry's life (Sherry is Charlotte's younger sister that just passed on) was how little we are able to claim of her time on earth, how much of her story was missing for us. Then I backed it up a generation or two and realized that over time, our time on earth disappears. So that begs the question, what is left? "What's it all about, Alphie?" I believe we are incarnated to learn and create. Our interactions with others is part of that learning process; we learn from each other, they learn from us. The lessons are what lasts - the impact we have on each other, both "good or bad". So.... I'm comforted by the knowledge that our time is well spent and valuable, even when outward appearances don't seem to indicate that.

The Awesomeness of Being

As many of you know we journal almost every day. I thought this entry worthy of sharing.......And now a few words from Larry. Love, Charlotte

Every once in a while, I need a wake-up call, a call to pay closer attention. Too easily do I slide back into mediocrity, drifting along on the stream of life without putting my oars in the water. That call came to me recently from an unlikely source - from a novel that I was reading. In it, the protagonist was utterly convinced by the antagonists that his wife, whom he dearly loved, had been brutally murdered. He lived with the agony of that knowledge for a day or so before he discovered that it had been a cruel hoax, he had found her alive and unharmed. He was so overcome with joy and gratitude at the sight of her that he couldn't seem to get enough of her - the feel of his palm on her cheek, the smell of her hair, the little smile wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, the sound of her voice.


Would that we react that way every time we see a loved one, keeping in mind that they could be taken away in an instant. Oh, I know, we can't live our lives with that kind of dread but we can dwell a little longer over a cup of coffee with our loved one, listen to them more attentively, look at them with "seeing" eyes in order to imprint their image on our brain. Maybe turn off the TV and simply "be" with them.


What about the other side of the coin - What if you left this earthly plane today? Do you still have your "music" in you? Have you said everything you want to say to a loved one? Told them how important they are in your life? Have you apologized for a harsh word, perhaps asked for forgiveness? Just as meaningful, when's the last time you touched a baby, smelled their sweet baby smell, dwelled at the sight of a bed of flowers, noticed the smell of the rain on hot pavement, watched puffy clouds drift by or savored the taste of a freshly picked tomato? When's the last time that you looked at yourself in the mirror and said, "I love you"?


I'm present God. I'm listening. I'm seeing. I am Being.

Headed to Shirttail Canyon

We arrived in Chicago Park, California on Tuesday, June 29. Decided to work around the ranch for a few days before heading off to prospect. It's been pretty warm in these parts. Our first few days were spend weeding, rototilling, weedeating, mowing and moving sprinkler lines.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Tofte Ranch
It seems to be chilly here most mornings but it can sure warm up during the day. Where will we be this time tomorrow? This is our first D-Day (Departure Day) of the season. We are headed to Shirttail for 4 days.

LATER - Shirttail Canyon - Devil's Falls (We renamed it Angel Falls years ago). It's HOT and we are lazy and sleepy. It's about 10 degrees hotter in the canyon that up in Colfax.